I realize now that my strength does not come from holding it all together, but from letting myself fall apart. And loving the part of me that believes I will not survive… if I let go.
I had tried everything to quit numbing with pharmaceuticals, alcohol and recreational drugs. I began to lose hope that I would ever be able to have the self control to stop. I was in such a deep hole that I tried to commit suicide. At the time, I was so desperate that it felt like the only way out.
So many of us fear the unknown – but do we have to? I’m learning to fully trust the unknown and it’s opened up so many possibilities in my life.
I began this year with so much hope and a deep belief that it was going to be a year of new beginnings. I would be turning 40 in July, I had just experienced the most heart-opening plant medicine ceremony of my life in Ecuador with Mother Ayahuasca, and every tarot card reading told me to get ready for amazing things.
This new paradigm brings new ways of doing things; ways that allow us to align more with our Spirit and pay attention to where we are placing our energy.
Our best teachers often come in ways in which we least expect them. Three months ago, I rescued a stray kitten who turned my life (and my house) into pure chaos and yet healed me in ways I never could have imagined. I’ve been tested to my limits, had a spotlight blasted towards my deepest fears and weaknesses and, in the end, have truly been shown what unconditional love feels like.