I began this year with so much hope and a deep belief that it was going to be a year of new beginnings. I would be turning 40 in July, I had just experienced the most heart-opening plant medicine ceremony of my life in Ecuador with Mother Ayahuasca, and every tarot card reading told me to get ready for amazing things.
I realize now that my strength does not come from holding it all together, but from letting myself fall apart. And loving the part of me that believes I will not survive… if I let go.
I had tried everything to quit numbing with pharmaceuticals, alcohol and recreational drugs. I began to lose hope that I would ever be able to have the self control to stop. I was in such a deep hole that I tried to commit suicide. At the time, I was so desperate that it felt like the only way out.
So many of us fear the unknown – but do we have to? I’m learning to fully trust the unknown and it’s opened up so many possibilities in my life.
As I look back after eleven years of growing my first blog, I’ve come to realize that not fitting in may have been my greatest asset.
Through the process of practicing self love and becoming more aware of who I am, I’ve realized that many of my perceived weaknesses are actually a gift — some of them I now call my superpowers.