A magician isn’t someone who can manifest material things – that part is easy. A magician is an alchemist; and magic is the transmutation of self.
When I walked away from mainstream spirituality, I felt an intense pull to deepen the connection with my body and my hidden wounds.
I realize now that my strength does not come from holding it all together, but from letting myself fall apart. And loving the part of me that believes I will not survive… if I let go.
So many of us fear the unknown – but do we have to? I’m learning to fully trust the unknown and it’s opened up so many possibilities in my life.
I had tried everything to quit numbing with pharmaceuticals, alcohol and recreational drugs. I began to lose hope that I would ever be able to have the self control to stop. I was in such a deep hole that I tried to commit suicide. At the time, I was so desperate that it felt like the only way out.
I began this year with so much hope and a deep belief that it was going to be a year of new beginnings. I would be turning 40 in July, I had just experienced the most heart-opening plant medicine ceremony of my life in Ecuador with Mother Ayahuasca, and every tarot card reading told me to get ready for amazing things.