I wrote a poem last year during one of my darkest hours and I stumbled across it as I was making a video of the time I spent underwater in Hawaii last month. I don’t know why, but I felt called to use these words as a voiceover — something I’ve always wanted to do but have never given myself permission to do.
Our current world circumstance has shown me how often I put off many of the things I want to do because I’m worried about how people will respond to it. Something has changed this past month though. I no longer feel worried about how the world will respond to my creative expression. It’s like a fire has been lit inside of me… and all I can do is surrender to the flame.
Anybody else feeling this call to BE YOU stronger than ever?
It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn
Video Script:
I dropped into my pain and followed it down to the depths of darkness as the blackness swallowed me whole.
I began to see parts of myself. Parts that I had buried for decades.
Feelings of shame. The isolation of believing I was the only one who felt this way.
The desperation I felt as a child. Not fully understanding why the ones who were supposed to love me the most hurt me so deeply.
Like a flashlight, I illuminated these innocent parts of myself.
At first this light appeared hopelessly dim and it felt as if I’d never swim back up to the surface.
I don’t know how but I felt myself let go. I was able to just stay in that discomfort. Surrendering to the feeling that I might never make it back.
Slowly, I felt my spirit lifting me up towards the light; breathing love into every crack of my pain with a compassion for myself that I had never known before.
An unconditional love that said, “I will love you even if you need to fall apart. You are never alone.”
I realize now that my strength does not come from holding it all together, but from letting myself fall apart. And loving the part of me that believes I will not survive… if I let go.
xo,
Christy
Hi Christy, I just read “It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn.” Wow, what courage, faith and determination! You inspire me to stay the course, even if that divine LOVE you speak of does not shelter and comfort me along the way, I will continue to embrace the darkness with its depression, its dysfunction and its pain. There is no other way, no other option to take. The outcome I cannot know. And having you at my side, it does not matter. The love that you share with all is reward enough.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Peter. Your words give me encouragement to keep writing and sharing. We are in this together!
Beautiful poem. Great website.
Thank you!!