I wrote a poem last year during one of my darkest hours and I stumbled across it as I was making a video of the time I spent underwater in Hawaii last month. I don’t know why, but I felt called to use these words as a voiceover — something I’ve always wanted to do but have never given myself permission to do.
Our current world circumstance has shown me how often I put off many of the things I want to do because I’m worried about how people will respond to it. Something has changed this past month though. I no longer feel worried about how the world will respond to my creative expression. It’s like a fire has been lit inside of me… and all I can do is surrender to the flame.
Anybody else feeling this call to BE YOU stronger than ever?
It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn
I dropped into my pain and followed it down to the depths of darkness as the blackness swallowed me whole.
I began to see parts of myself. Parts that I had buried for decades.
Feelings of shame. The isolation of believing I was the only one who felt this way.
The desperation I felt as a child. Not fully understanding why the ones who were supposed to love me the most hurt me so deeply.
Like a flashlight, I illuminated these innocent parts of myself.
At first this light appeared hopelessly dim and it felt as if I’d never swim back up to the surface.
I don’t know how but I felt myself let go. I was able to just stay in that discomfort. Surrendering to the feeling that I might never make it back.
Slowly, I felt my spirit lifting me up towards the light; breathing love into every crack of my pain with a compassion for myself that I had never known before.
An unconditional love that said, “I will love you even if you need to fall apart. You are never alone.”
I realize now that my strength does not come from holding it all together, but from letting myself fall apart. And loving the part of me that believes I will not survive… if I let go.